Number 20 and What it Brings Along

I'm turning 20 soon (in a few minutes from now) but gosh! There's so many things in my mind now. I've been thinking about this 'adulting' thing since the past few weeks. For instance, I went to a bank to open my own bank account, obviously, last week. To many, it seems like a tiny matter but not to me. I literally freaked out, oh wait, not freaked out, that isn't the correct word. I kinda nervous, I guess. Meeting an officer, signing a few agreement by my own. Yes, to me it was a big deal. At the moment, I realized how many more life-changing decisions I had to make in the future! Countless!

Actually, I listed down some of the things that make others who might experience the same situation like me. Here's the 'I have' list:

·         to pay for my own foods and drinks

·         drive to the places I want/have to go

·         pay taxes

·         rent a house

·         pay for the loans

·         buy my own garments

·          use my own savings to buy what I want

·         find life partner lol

·         make decisions for my life ughhhhh

and so many more!

That lists, seriously would make anyone in the world feel like being an infant forever!

'Adulting'. The word itself sounds heavy already. Yeah, who in the world would want to do all those things by themselves? No one! We can't help but to hope some helps from our parents, family and friends to face all that. That is indeed, a genuine thought from any teenager before entering a whole different alien-like world in which we have to do all sorts of business by ourselves. Even some adults still struggling to survive in this crazy crazy demanding universe. I believe it's not just me who had that scary thoughts, maybe majority of us had the same feels.

Earlier this evening, I came across an inspiring quote on Instagram. It says:

"The key to success is to start before you are ready "- Marie Forleo

Somehow I think it is related to what I'm writing today. Let's take some examples from my own experiences:

1.      I went to Skytrex Adventure Park in March. It offered thrilling games and adventurous routes which I've never done before but I'm excited at the same time because it was a new thing to try. I volunteered myself to be the first person to take on the challenges even I knew I was the least fit among my teammates but I did anyway (without thinking properly of course). I started doubting myself at the flying fox checkpoint. Wanna know how I did it? I closed my eyes, inhaled as much air I could and then boom. Arrived at the next checkpoint safely.

2.      I had to run some errands regarding my small online business that requires me to drive quite far from my usual location (to the supermarkets, my brother's school, etc). my parents half-heartedly allowed me to drive there, but at last they agreed to let me drive by myself while they sat at the back. So, I finally get to drive from Rembau to Alor Gajah yeay

3.      I'm not the girl who likes to cook, before I learnt how to do it by myself along with some useful tips from mom and Google recipes. But now, I can cook basic Malay dishes without counting on to mom 100 percent.

I said 'some' examples, didn't I? All those three and many more stuffs I did, never happened with a one-time trial. I screwed up, failed many times and at last, it turned out nearly perfect. Sebab tu lah sometimes I posted my embarrassing moments in my life, or my failures every time I tried something new, or just the same mistakes I did on Whatsapp or Instastories. Because that's real me, who screwed up again and over again then I can remind myself it is okay that you flawed along your way to achieve something as long as you learn from them.

I hope I can recover from these insecurities that I have now and for you who had the same struggles, I know you can do it tooJ lastly, happy sweet 19 until further notice to me